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I wonder how it felt…

May 11, 2011

I wonder how it felt in 2010, for the legions of women who were into Ricky Martin’s hypersexualized Latino lover thing, when he finally came out of the closet? While it’s obviously awesome for any man or lady to come out and live a more honest life with him/herself, and it’s awesome Ricky is like really happy right now, was happiness that the first reaction for the poor women who idolized Ricky Martin and saw in him the lover they never had? I suspect no. I suspect they felt hurt, confused. Felt like they had been lied to all this time. Felt like they had been betrayed by this one, perfect, image of a person which they held high above all else. I bet they felt a lot like I felt, when I saw this for the first time:

Lively red
Blake Lively at the Met Ball.

WHAT. DID. SHE. DO. TO. HER. HAIR?!?!?! I felt such shock and horror to see this brassy, red atrocity. I wanted to cry.

This is the woman with the most glorious hair of any celebrity ever, the woman whose hair merited its own New York Times article on its incredibleness.

Look, a coffee AND a puppy. Girl after my own heart.

Not since “the Rachel” (oh, and “the Natalie” in the UK, at least) had legions of women been filled with such desirous envy. Myself included. While I adore the living Pantene advertisement that is my thick, straight, black hair, after my first episode of Gossip Girl I whispered a silent prayer for hair as blonde and goddess-like as hers. Her hair looks ALIVE. It screams beauty and youth. I want it. And apparently, so do legions of other women. Boom, boom, and boom.

But now, I see the red-headed Blake and much like Michelle at beautyeditor.ca, I immediately think of her:

It’s horrible unless you are dating a rabbit in overalls. I see Blake’s hair now and I want to shake her and scream. It’s like being given (insert your wildest dream here) and not just saying, no thanks, but running over the dream with a steamroller. I hear she had to do it for an upcoming film. What film was worth losing that amazing hair?? Even when she played a crack whore in The Town, she still managed to keep her hair at least decent enough to tempt Don Draper.

Many people have been trying to take Blake’s hair as a flag that red hair is now the thing for the season, but I beg to differ. Red hair’s got much better standard-bearers. Looking at you, Christina Hendricks, the adorable Isla Fisher, and my personal favorite, Erin (Ellie Kemper) from the Office:

Yeah, I just kind of had to put that picture in there. It’s adorbs.

Conclusion: Blake, please. Don’t crush my dreams like Ricky crushed a random 40-year old bored housewife’s. Geez, at least Ricky ignited (confirmed?) the dreams of armies of gay men to make up for the heterosexual dream-crushing. Blake’s brassy montrosity is, on the other hand, the stuff of which puppy juice and other unmentionable horrible things are made of. God gave you the glory that is your blonde hair, and it’s just wrong to leave it behind.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. May 12, 2011 12:49 am

    It’s true, non? She makes a terrible redhead.

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